We knew this kid in high school named Dan. Dan Dewitte. He told more lies than any other person I’ve ever met. And he lied about the most mundane things sometimes. It all started when I first met him in grade school, and he lied about having Super Nintendo. Well, I went to his house that day to play it, and lo and behold, he had regular 8-bit Nintendo. I was heartbroken, and I called him on his lie. He denied it. I know what I heard - he definitely said “Super Nintendo.” Since then he’s told these whoppers:
- He and his family got in a big car accident, and everyone was trapped in the burning car. He jumped out the window and saved them all.
- He has a six-speed automatic station wagon.
- He drove a motorboat on the freeway.
- He said to his then-girlfriend while walking down the hall at school, “If I look at binary code long enough, I can figure out what it says.”
- He got into MIT, not just on a full scholarship - MIT agreed to pay him $12,000 a year to shoot rifles.
- He camped out on the top of a water tower in our town with some of his friends. They also played soccer up there.
Not to mention his dad looked like a complete fucking pervert when he repeatedly showed up to Boy Scout meetings wearing nothing but an undershirt tucked into short shorts, tube socks hiked up to his knees, brandishing huge 1800s-style mutton chops.
I wish I were making this shit up.
-Luke
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[...] That year, I had just gotten relieved from duty as the Senior Patrol Leader, the guy who runs the meetings and makes sure everyone is in line. My successor was none other than Dan Dewitte, a guy I went to high school with who was pretty ridiculous. Read about Dan by clicking his name above. It’s seriously ridiculous. [...]