Before I say anything else, I want to swear on my own life that all of this article actually happened. Because it happened to me, and even I can hardly believe it.
So I was riding the bus back from town to my apartment. First and least ridiculous was the driver, who made me go out the rear door. In crowded circumstances, when there are a lot of people waiting to get on the bus, you load in the front and unload in the back. However, I’ve seen this rule flouted pretty much every time I’m on the bus, and I was sitting near the front, so I got ready to get out the front door. No, the bitch didn’t open that door. “Go out the back door!” she said angrily. What’s bad about this? THERE WAS NO ONE AT THE FUCKING STOP. There was NO reason why she couldn’t have opened the front door. Get off your horse, c-unit.
More ridiculous was the guy that insisted on getting off at every stop and picking up surrounding trash with his grabber. When he missed a stop he freaked out.
Most ridiculous, and I swear this happened, was the older-looking Middle Eastern woman breastfeeding across from me. The baby was at her belt, and a small portion of the woman’s midriff was showing. MEANING, SHE WAS BREASTFEEDING THE BABY FROM A WICKED SAGGY BREAST THAT HUNG TO HER WAIST. I wasn’t quite sure at first if this was what was happening, so I observed in my periphery. When the baby pulled itself off, I noticed that, yes, she had indeed been breastfeeding. AND HER NIPPLE WAS THE SIZE AND SHAPE OF A COFFEE CREAMER. Maybe not as wide (but it was pretty damn wide), but definitely as long. For those of you that think I’m a pervert for looking, you have to trust me when I say that there was nothing erotic or even attractive about this scene. It was sickening. But it was also hilarious.
I haven’t even reached the kicker of this situation, either. I saw the mother put a young girl next to her on the seat. I thought to myself, where did the baby go? Maybe she put it back in the carriage, which was right in front of her. I looked there - no baby. The breastfeeding “baby” had in fact been that little girl, who was at LEAST 3, because she was talking and HAD A FULL SET OF TEETH.
At this point I had to restrain myself from laughing my ass off, and I almost failed - I snickered loudly and caught myself.
I love how the bus has become people’s personal automobiles where they can just do whatever they want all the time.
3 comments ↓
Yeah the bus is always fun. Loved the link to th epic of the grabber!
“to the pic” I meant. I have an awful habit of never proofreading what I write before I post.
You also have an awful habit of “falling in to” men’s assholes. What’s that about, brother?
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