Entries Tagged 'Kurt' ↓

We started this blog in September 2007. The internet was a very different landscape then (douche, cough, douche).

Wordpress was new. It was cool. It had cool features. It had the ability for five (remember when chris used to contribute? that dumb shit) fucking retards to all post separately.

But no one has posted in 5 weeks, and before that I hadn’t posted a real thing since May.

I have other places to post shitty jokes:
http://www.twitter.com/nerdtram

I have other places to share cool links:
http://www.google.com/reader/shared/nerdtram

I have other places to share retarded images:
http://kurtkroeber.tumblr.com

And I even have a place to put them all in one place.
http://flavors.me/nerdtram

So, though I never want Dynamoaf to die. It’s a great site. A great brand. Great friends. Maybe its dead?

Maybe we should put this baby to bed? I think it died of SIDS a long time ago.

RIP DYNAMOAF?

- KURT

Today I was driving to work (I have a job, yes) And I was the second car stopped at a stop light.

I noticed that the woman in the car on front of me was leaning into the backseat to grab something, and in the process let go of the brake.

The car starts slowly edging forward into a busy intersection.

She eventually realized, but her car was already like all the way into the intersection. Cars were serving around her and shit.

It was real funny. First of all, someone almost died. But Second of all, they didn’t!

What is wrong with me though? That I didn’t honk, or yell, or wave, or try to do something?

I just watched, with a weird malicious grin on my face.

I think something’s wrong with me.

- KURT

Corona Fridays, is the sign that you work in a good office.

Full Stop.
Full Thought.
Don’t Think.
Brave New World.
Aldous Huxley.
Huckleberry Hound
Chuckleberry Hound.
Chuckle
Bride of Chucky.
Bride of Frankenstein
Frankenberry
Berry Smirnoff
Smirk will drinking Corona at work.

FUCK YOU

Two Metal Dudes in a Target, arguing over which Brita Filter to buy.

When you are sick, you can tell how sick you are by how low your balls hang. When you are feeling better they get closer to the body.

This is what I did my science experiment on for the science fair.

Fuck Off, i’m sick. I got droopy fucking balls.

- KURT

Guy had a shopping carriage on it’s side and was fucking sleeping on it like a bed. Back flat, against it’s side.

Champion Up, and make a bed out of anything. That’s the Homeless Way.

- KURT

I’m not really sure why I bought and ate one yesterday. Brain knows they aren’t good, Tummy knows they aren’t good. Sometimes Brain and Tummy synapses forget to fire, and I end up having eaten a Choco taco.

- KURT

I want to erase my online identity. I want to make it so no one knows what the fuck I am doing. So when I show up to our five year reunion in November I can claim that I’ve been cast on and writing for a NBC sitcom coming on next Pilot Season. No one would know the better.

I’d be in LA, living the dream.

I’m gonna come in suit, with my hottest friend on my arm, and fucking showboat.

I shouldn’t be giving away this plan, but no one fucking reads this.

Kroebs out.

- KURT

So yeah, I’m on Facebook, who the fuck isn’t? What, are you still toiling on fucking myspace?

Regardless. I’m about to leave facebook. I can’t stand getting “SUGGESTIONS” to become A FAN of. Let me be. I don’t want fucking suggestions from you on why I should become a fan of your stand up comedy, or your website, or your blog.

Fuck off.

If I’m a fan of you, then I will fucking add you. If I am not, then I won’t. Don’t abuse friend privileges. Just because I allow us to be friends on facebook, doesn’t mean we are friends, and just because we are friends doesn’t mean I’m a fan of your comedy. The odds are fucking higher that I hate it, because I’m a hateful fucking person.

So if you are a standup, and you create a fan page for yourself (douchy to begin with) then don’t add me.

Also, If you are an LA fucking Comedian and I don’t know you, please stop attempting to be my friend. Just because I am friends with an inordinate amount of LA comedians, It doesn’t mean I am using facebook as a fucking obnoxious networking tool like you.

I won’t go to your show. I won’t join your group. I am not a fan. Fuck Off.

- KURT

Unless you are actually my friend, and I think you are funny. Those are few and far between, But this isn’t addressed to you.

Everyone else — eat a dick.

Today I went into a Gamestop. The XBOX section was boxed off because a Homeless Man had taken a shit ON a game. We were making jokes with the guy who had to clean it up. He was horrified.

A couple of things to take from this.

1. Not worth it. Would walk out of the fucking store and quit.
2. You cant sneak into a public bathroom, really?
3. You cant shit in the street?

4. WHAT GAME DID YOU SHIT ON?
5. WHY DID YOU SHIT ON A GAME?
6. IS IT CAUSE YOU HATED THAT GAME?
7. WHAT GAME DID YOU HATE SO MUCH THAT YOU HAD TO SHIT ON IT?

That is insane. First of all, I can see shitting on the floor of the store. Thats not the most insane ever, but to lay a game on the floor, and shit on it. WHAT THE FUCK. Its killing me that Ill never know what game it is. I’ll have to settle on Lego Indiana Jones. Yeah, it was probably Lego Indiana Jones.

- KURT