Entries Tagged 'Luke' ↓

A lot of times, people will say, “The idea for this [song, piece of art, film, story, etc.] came to me in a dream.” While it is one thing to use an interesting idea from a dream as a starting point, some people will stick with it and make their [song, piece of fart, oil, chlorine bomb, etc.] identical to the dream. If you’re thinking of doing that, consider it very, very carefully. Not because it’s cliche, but because 30 minutes after you wake up, that dream you wrote down in your dream journal makes absolutely no fucking sense.

The idea for this post came to me shortly after waking up. That’s why it’s so shitty.

-Luke

It’s been awhile, but I’m back with a good one.

A couple nights ago Sara and I were on the bus from the other side of town. We sit on the second level behind the rear doors. A group of 5 girls gets on with us, and they sit at the front. A couple stops later, a guy wearing a hoodie, sweatpants, and a backwards cap gets on.  He sits a couple rows in front of us on the lower level and is surfing facebook in a focused manner. The girls are drunk and talking about something that no one really cares about. A few of them get off along the way, and there are only two of them left. They start talking about how guys suck and that sort of jabber. They miss their stop and the bus driver stops at the next stop.  However, the girls get up out of their seats before the bus stops, and as the driver applies the brakes suddenly, the momentum of one of the girls causes her to fall flat on her face, making a satisfying BOOM on the floor. They get off the bus and Sara and I start laughing.

Without missing a beat, the guy in front of us, who moments earlier was studying facebook raptly, turned to us and asked one of the most unexpectedly intelligent questions:

“What was that, a drunken Seneca Falls Convention?”

He turned back to his laptop and started chatting on AIM.

-Luke

It’s pretty easy to tell what someone’s personality is like from the name they give their router. Here are a few real ones that I got when I opened my connection window:

The Homophobic Bros: NOxWANGSxALLOWED

The Comedic Responders (actually mine): x WANGS CONDONED x

The Stoners: Blazius Space Station

The Completely Ridiculous: Reacharound Central

The Completely Disgusting: Dotty’s Roast Beef Curtains

The Most Creative: linksys

-Luke

A few weekends ago, I took the bus into town to get my hair cut. As I was getting off the bus, I noticed an old woman in a wheelchair talking on a cell phone across the street, wearing jean shorts, a black tank top, sunglasses, and fingerless black weight-lifting gloves. All of a sudden she starts SHREIKING into the phone: “GET OVER IT!!!! GET OVER IT!!!!” After repeating it a couple times, she cupped her hand around the mouthpiece to amplify her horrifying sound and repeated it several more times.

As I was directly across the street from her as this happened, I folded in half and laughed my ass off for all to see. I’m pretty lucky she didn’t see me, because she probably would have called me and done the same thing.

-Luke

Apparently Michael Jackson has the flu.

I sure hope he’s ok…

-Luke

My mom just referred to Kurt as “the tall funny one” because she couldn’t think of his name.

-Luke

As you all may or may not know, I went to California for a week. I stayed in San Francisco for a few days with Sara, and while we were there, I saw the best homeless man. Ever.

It wasn’t so much the bum that was the best, but his pets. On the ground was his big black and brown dog, sleeping the day away. On top of the dog was his gray cat, sleeping regally, like this:

But that’s not all.  I didn’t notice it at first, but curled up under the cat’s chin was a white rat, sleeping (of course). All of this on a busy street in San Francisco.

I would have taken a picture, but then I would have had to give the bum money I’d imagine.

-Luke

Definitely started a “Let’s Go Swine Flu!” chant on a bus full of people.

The response was “Oink, Oink, Oink Oink Oink!”

-Luke

I was looking around on the Internet for the reason why most police non-emergency lines end in a repeating number (e.g. xxx-xxx-1212), and I stumbled upon a website selling a “teaching telephone” for little kids. It told tips on when and when not to call 911.  After I read them, I realized that most of the time a kid would have to be damn close to retarded to do some of the “don’ts” on the list:

It’s usually good to call 911 when these things happen:

• You get lost

• Someone gets hurt

• Something unusual is burning or producing smoke

• Someone is breaking into a home

• You get a scary telephone call

• Your smoke detector sounds an alarm

• A stranger makes you feel scared

It’s usually not good to call 911 when these things happen:

• You hear a loud party

• The bathtub is overflowing

• You miss the school bus

• You get mad at your friend

• A car alarm goes off

• Your pet runs away

• A stranger walks through your neighborhood

Come to think of it though, some of those read like they’re targeted at idiotic adults.

-Luke

To quote something I once said…

“PLEASE

http://www.keyvan.net/code/paged-comments/

PLEASE

-Luke”

-Luke